Merry Greedy Christmas

Ah, this is the time of year that so many people in my neighborhood must smile smugly to themselves and think, "See, if you keep those Christmas lights up long enough, sooner or later, it'll be time to plug them back in." Such efficiency and forethought my neighbors have. I am so proud of them.

Hey hey, three people who still ever bother to see if I've bothered to update. And Happy Holidays. I know it's the holidays because (a) see aforementioned Christmas lights, (b) it is finally cold--painfully cold--after a 7-month summer in Nashville, and (c) I am broke as hell. Ba-roke. Whee!

What has gone on since I last updated? Let's see. Seth and I visited our friend Brandon in Chicago, where he's in grad school. We had a blast. I love ol' Chicago. I was in two weddings (see my remarks about being so broke--there's one reason why--weddings and babies galore this year), and they were a total freaking blast.

Uh, I think that might be it? Damn. You'd think more would happen in several months, but no. And nothing much will happen anytime soon, because we've been swept up into the holiday abyss. We're all busy and stuff through the New year.

It's time, once again, for the saddest office Christmas party in the world, which, through much planning and scheming, has managed to out-suck last year's suck-fest.

This year, every department has to bring their own food AND decorate a table, which will be judged in a contest. Gag. I comforted myself with the knowledge that since I'm not on the freaking personnel committee this year, I wouldn't even have to GO to the party if I didn't want to. Wrong. I've been deemed the person in charge of begging for food from our department. What fun!

Well, since it's Christmas time, and since I haven't written much since last Christmas, let's all (all two of us) take a look back at my Christmas wish list from last year and see how I did, making my materialistic dreams come true and all that. Here's stuff I was dreaming of last year:

-an iPod. Yay, I have one. I am listening to it RIGHT NOW. (Lou Rawls Christmas songs, which are the complete and total shit.) Seth and I decided to buy ourselves one to share last Valentine's Day, with some Best Buy giftcards we had lying around. After much updating of our ancient, hand-crank computer, it worked. And it was good, and we were happy. Really, I love this little gadget. It makes the work day go by much faster.

-a KitchenAid stand mixer. I actually have this, too! I got three different Target cards for my birthday this fall (my peeps know what I likes), and Target.com clearanced out one model of the mixer, so I bought it. And it, too, is good. I have made many batches of pumpkin muffins in it.

-Alias Season 3 on DVD. I bought this for myself, too. See, y'all, you shouldn't feel bad when your significant others still claim they had no idea what to get you, even after you yammer constantly about all the things you WANT, and you even put a freaking list on the internet for the world to read. Just go out and buy it for yourself, and if your spouse/whoever gives you any shit, just tell them you're compensating for their total lack of attention to you. Myabe next time your birthday or Christmas rolls around, they'll buy you a card, if for no other reason than they're afraid you'll go on a shopping spree if they don't. What?

-A Rabbit-style lever corkscrew. Ha. My husband, the yard-sale addict, actually found one of these, unopened, at a yard sale for a dollar. Score! It makes it almost impossible for me to get bits of cork in the wine bottle. So easy and fun. The fun of drinking, without all the hassle of the corkscrew.

-Gigantic Water Heater. Ha. Funny story about our water heater. Or maybe it's a sad story, depending on how much you look down on us stupid folk. We were convinced our water heater was busted; maybe some sort of "element" or whatever was "out" or something. We opened up the little panel on the heater (although I really don't know what we expected to find. Seriously, a little gnome who keeps the water warm by riding a bicycle could have peered back out at us, and we would have just nodded and said, "Well, that's about what we expected."). Yes, we opened the little panel, and we see a KNOB, and if you turn this KNOB from low to high, the water stays hotter. It does! Problem solved. A Christmas miracle.

-Roomba!. I do not have a Roomba, and I can never foresee a time when I will throw down $300 for a robot vaccuum. It's cool, though, because I don't have carpet anywhere, and the Swiffer is my friend.

-new floors and countertops for my kitchen.
-to begin our upstairs attic renovation.
-a deck built on to the back of our house.

Perhaps you have noticed that these are all grouped together. This is because they are to be carried over to next year's wish list, and perhaps my forever wish list.

to have our dishwasher installed in the mothereffing kitchen. Well, this one is most of the way done. I mean, it washes dishes, but it's not actually completely installed. I'm not sure how to explain it, other than to take a picture, which I promise to do this weekend. It washes dishes, though, which is what I keep reminding myself.

Philosophy Amazing Grace products. Ha, another thing I just helped myself to, after my husband told me, "I thought about buying you some of that perfume you like for Valentine's Day." Since (a) he told me this on Valentine's Day itself, and (b) Philosophy isn't sold anywhere around here, I thanked him for the thought and ordered the stuff for myself. Thanks, honey! It truly is just what I wanted.

The remainder of my list, which I still do not have and really don't care about anymore:

-a flat screen monitor
-fancy jeans I'm just never going to have enough money to drop $175 on jeans. Never. And I'm okay with that.
-A Netflix subscription. I don't have time to watch all the stuff that's accumulated on our Tivo, so I don't think this would be worth the cash.
-Satellite radio. I'm in the car about 10 minutes per day, tops, so there's no need for me to have this at all.
-Everything in the Anthropologie catalog. Yeah, also never going to happen.

Man, am I a greedy little whore. Just wait until tomorrow, when I post more stuff that I want this year! Greed! At least I never expect to actually get any of it. I might be greedy, but I'm not spoiled.

emiloo at 9:59 a.m.