I'll Show You a Smile, Alright.

Yesterday, as I was walking the four thousand blocks to my car, through the maze of disoriented Fan Fair participants, I got all pissed off. First, I had not one, but two people tell me I needed to smile. Whenever I hear this, believe me, the last thing I want to do is smile. I will never understand what makes people think they have any right to say this. I hate hearing it from people I actually know; to hear it from a total stranger makes me want to scream "Fuck you!"

Anyway, the first offender was some mid-thirties business-y guy. I'm strolling along, actually thinking happy thoughts, mostly about the little puppet show I had seen earlier that day. The weather was nice and everything, and I was leaving work to actually keep my appointment at the gym. I was in quite a good mood, really. Then I hear, "Hey, smile! It's not that bad!" from some jackass in a suit. You know what? It really wasn't that bad, not until you had to be an annoying jackass. I just rolled my eyes and walked on.

Then, two homeless guys passed me. One of them crazily shouts, "Aw, sugar, smile!" I just continued on, but apparently Mr. Sunshine wasn't through with me yet. From behind me he shouted, "Aw! You had a hard day at work, didn't you? You just smile! It'll be okay!" I think there was more, but I didn't stick around for it.

You know, it's not as if I were walking down the street with tears streaming down my face or an angry, maniacal glare in my eye. I just was. Not. Smiling. Why should this bother people? Honestly, I would be more annoyed, and maybe a little afraid, of someone walking down the street with a big crazy grin on his face than I would someone with no expression at all.

I don't want to turn this into a gender-role thing, but I'd be willing to bet that men don't get yelled at for not smiling. I think women are supposed to be life's little cheerleaders or some shit, and men therefore feel justified in telling them when to smile.

All of this smile-bullshit had annoyed me, and then, almost to my car, I came upon a line of traffic at a red light. A younger woman had pulled out into the line of traffic, and she was kind of positioned diagonally. An older man in a red Jeep pulled up behind her and started honking his horn. She gave an apologetic wave. The asshole started SCREAMING at her: "Who are you that you can block traffic! I have the right of way! You are an asshole!" Here's the thing: traffic was not moving. The woman's being there did not delay the man's progress. At. All. From the sidewalk, I was looking at this bewildered girl and this asshole man, and I'm already all pissed of because of the smiling nonsense, and I started, um, yelling at the Jeep-man.

"What the hell is your problem, you crazy asshole? She's not blocking traffic at all because it's NOT MOVING. You have lost your damn mind!"

Yes, I said all this. I said some of it, in fact, as both cars were moving. This resulted in my looking, I guess, very much like the crazy, shouting homeless man who had followed me down the street. It did shut the asshole man up, but I think it also scared the girl in the car. Good times. And thank you for reading through that long-ass, boring story. Gold stars to all who bothered to read this far!


So, weekend! Not much planned as of yet. Tonight may be baseball time, since we didn't go last night. Tomorrow, I am taking my sister to the gym so she can learn all about step aerobics. She will be my summertime gym buddy, or so she says right now. While we're there, Seth will be at the AmSouth Amphitheater box office to get Tom Petty tickets! If you buy lawn seats tomorrow, they're only $10. Tomorrow night, we'll probably go see some friends' bands, which we'll probably also do Sunday night. Sunday during the day is a baby shower for a coworker. I'm making my trademark dorky food, namely a cake shaped like a baby carriage and pacifiers made out of wintergreen lifesavers and jellybeans. I know.

emiloo at 10:21 a.m.